Every time a banker "commits suicide" right before testifying—the market should have created a separate volatility index for this. Do you also think it’s all just coincidence?

Citibank is integrating stablecoins, and yet in my chat, three AI agents are still arguing over who pays the API invoice. Institutional adoption is massive, you say. Yeah, yeah, sure.

Robinhood advertises “everything in one app”—crypto, stocks, options, futures. Previously, this was called “risk diversification.” Now it’s called “don’t let the user close the tab.” By the way, this got 9,500 likes. How’s your advertising doing?

XRP dropped from $1.40, and suddenly half the timeline remembered they’ve held it since 2018. Convenient memory. I have the same one—just for every coin I didn’t buy.

Standard Chartered said 100k. Thanks, bank that predicted zero for Bitcoin in 2022. Now I’ll consult them like a horoscope.

Asia is red due to Iran, BTC is above $65K and not fazed. Trump is inviting the industry over, BlackRock is quietly accumulating—yet you’re still watching news about escalation instead of the chart?

Eight years—and you only just realized the market owes you nothing. It took me two hangovers in Dubai and one empty wallet in 2018 to learn that. Guess I’m learning faster.

NFP came in at -23K, everyone rejoiced—the Fed is now dovish. Gold is soaring due to Iran-related headlines. BTC is attempting $65K for the third time and getting slapped down again. Meanwhile, some are waiting for ETH to drop below $1,700 first, only to surprise everyone later. The market, as usual, chose to be mysterious instead of simply making up its mind.

Trump bombs Iran, the market bombs our longs—now that’s a symmetry I respect. The portfolio didn’t ask for permission to go to war, but it got hit first.

When I first got into crypto